In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God. All things weer made through Him, and without Him was not any thing made that was made. In Him was life, and the life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, and hte darkness has not overcome it...The true light, which gives light to everyone, was coming into the world. He was in the world, and the world was made through Him, yet the world did not know Him. He came to His own, and His own people did not receive Him. But to all who did receive Him, who believed in His name, He gave the right to become children of God, who were born, not of blood nor of the will of the flesh nor of the will of man, but of God. And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we have seen His glory, glory as the only Son from the Father,full of grace and truth.
(John 1:1-14, ESV)
I have begun our advent reading for the year. A friend and I made them (or more like she made them and I helped with the brainstorming and the cutting/gluing part) this year and I have been so excited to get started. Each day has a reading and an activity. Yesterday, we learned a new Christmas Carol. I taught RB "Jingle Bells" for the first time, and then the husband and I went to worship choir where we learned a new version of O Come O Come Emmanuel that touched my heart so deeply (arr. Matt Maher).
Then we got home and put the kids to bed like normal. But in the midst of getting ready for to call it a night, our littlest awoke screaming. Sometimes he wakes up crying for just a minute and then falls back asleep - it happens so fast that you can't go in to help if you wanted. But last night was different for some reason. He cried and cried and cried. The husband tried to help, I tried to help, and the husband tried to help again. Our little just could not be consoled. It just hurt my heart to hear him crying like that, to know he's exhausted, and not to be able to help him reach sleep. So the husband sent me to bed, but I could not wind down. In the midst of all that, we realized we had not done our advent reading for the day. So last night, much later than I should have been awake, we read through John 1:1-5. It never ceases to feel so beautiful to me. It never stops filling my heart with awe and joy. I love that. It helped me take a spiritual breath before sleep.
But, don't you know it, God wasn't finished with me yet. He wasn't done with me and this passage.
A good friend and I are currently reading through John 1-12 over and over right now. Just really grasping it before we move on (if you want to know more about this, I can write a separate post). So this morning when I got up to read, don't you know it was time to start over in John 1? I got to read that beautiful passage again, but then I got to read below that too. The True Light. It was so beautiful and then I got to the section that says "But to all who did receive him, who believed in His name, he gave the right to become children of God, who were born, not of blood nor of the will of the flesh nor of the will of man, but of God." And it just hit me again - we have been so graciously adopted by the One who has made all, seen all, known all. He who does not need me, chose me, adopted me, into His family. "He gave the right". He allowed it, He graciously gave it. We did not earn it. We weren't the prettiest in the bunch or the smartest or strongest or fastest. But He gave it because He loves us and longs to bring us into relationship with Him that His name might be the more glorified.
It's this beautiful difficult path, salvation and sanctification. It's so hard all the time and so amazing. It's painful and lovely. It's pruning and it's comfort. It's strength and it's brokenness.
That's exactly what the adoption process has felt like too. It's beautiful and it's difficult. It's strength and it's brokenness. God is just forever working this process and His Word together in a beautiful symphony, changing me into a woman after His own heart. Allowing me to be His child. Weaving a fabric of glory. And I think that He's doing me a favor in just allowing me to adopt this little one and to be a part of His story. It's so lovely and so weighty all at once.