Brave Adventure

Brave Adventure

Friday, July 16, 2010

Surprise!

For your viewing pleasure: When Cal was out of town this last week, I edited some of our photos that a friend took for us in Downtown Bryan, TX - April 2009

Sometimes in Marriage we are riding along thinking that things have fallen into "normal" and we are surprised when something changes! At least I am. I constantly think that after big 7 months of being married that Cal and I have finally found our rhythm of knowing each other perfectly well. How silly this thought seems in retrospect! Granted, I know Cal better than I ever did when we dated (or were engaged) despite all of our best preparations. You know, there are some things that you can never think to ask about someone that you magically discover when you get married. I never realized things about myself and so forth. Anyway, we got to a point where we are being considerate of one another, doing our best to live a selfless, God-fearing life so that we can come together as a Godly couple, treating each other with love and respect. 
But some days, it's different. 
It's not that either of us has ceased to strive for Godliness nor is it that either of us have stopped doing our best to put the other first, it's not that at all. It's not that Cal or I got up in the morning and said, "You know what, I haven't shown my spouse this particular thing about me yet.... today feels like a good day!" It's just that there are things in life that you don't know about yourself until the moment comes. How was I supposed to know that I thought there was a correct way to cook, until Cal and I attempted to cook together. (For the record, we both thought that there was a correct way.... our own.) Things like that. None of these things are fight worthy or even life changing, yet surprising to my little world all at the same time. I thought I had it figured out, you know!? It's like there is this moment sometimes when I do something or Cal does something and the other one of us will look and go, "...what?...." or "...why did you..." because we just didn't know. Or on a much bigger scale, we are faced with some outside hardship or challenge that we have never had to deal with together before and we find ourselves relearning how to communicate with one another and attempting to understand the other's feelings. I read this great thing in Sacred Marriage  (as a side note, I love the tag line on  this book: What if God's design for Marriage was to make us Holy more than to make us happy? Amen!) about how when men cry, something apocalyptic is happening, but when women cry it is often like sweating. It is a necessary action to relieve emotion. So we find ourself in this new situation (and half the time if it's a problem it's a miscommunication - I have decided that through our whole life we will be laughing at ourselves as we sort out miscommunications, we often times life ourselves silly because we'll have a whole conversation where we are both lost) and I am crying or frustrated, or he's frustrated and silent, or just whatever and we are still learning how to do things together and not as separate people. I know we have only been married 7 months, but every now and then I find myself thinking we have got it worked out. It's not a conscious thought so much. I'm only really aware of it when it gets violated by the fact that we're still working it out. I feel like I'm rambling, so let me just give you one harmless example.
Buying a car.
Cal and I have been looking online for weeks at cars we could afford, trying to find the right one. We are on our way to Fort Worth for my sister's birthday party and we are going to go look at a car we've found online in a nearby city. In my mind, we are looking at the car and if we like it, we will leave the dealership, talk it over further, and then decide for the next day whether we really want it. I hadn't even really considered that we would buy a car that weekend. So we get in our car, headed to Fort Worth, and begin talking about whatever and the new car comes up. Cal says something to the idea of "well, you know, we may be driving two cars back this weekend." Cal is planning on going and buying the car this weekend. This may seem small to y'all, but my brain is completely blown when he throws this out there. I've never bought something that expensive, and if you know me I'm a penny pincher, so I'm literally reeling at the thought. We can't just buy a car!, my brain says to me. Anyway, long story short I start to wrap my mind around it - we have been saving for this exact car, we have the money, the car looks good, we got a carfax report on it that was clean, so on and so forth. (We ended up not getting the car, it was sold an hour before we got there) So though it was harmless, we both had decided separately in our minds how this event would go and assumed the other person was on the same track. Surprise! We're still learning how to work together.

Well, it's a good thing God is good, gracious, and merciful because we still need Him to help us learn how to be two people one flesh in mind and in heart. 


1 comment:

  1. Awesome post. Marriage in a nutshell. Learning and relearning how to communicate is a never-ending process. Sometimes I find myself thinking, "how have you not come around to my way of thinking yet??"... but you're totally right. It's not about thinking the same, but about working together and COMPROMISE (which sometimes feels like a four letter word to me, but then I realize I gotta cut back on the selfish). Love you!!

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