School has officially started. I am in my final semester of Greek (which is no longer required for my degree, but I love it so I am going to take it and stay in my current catalog) and taking The Bible and Moral Issues. Interesting. I've already done over half of the reading that I need to thanks to nap time.
RB signed "more" today for the first time!! She is just growing up and up. She loves to help get herself dressed. Well, maybe "loves" is a stretch, but she is very capable at it. I keep forgetting to put that in her monthly updates because it happened between months a while back.
I think that my baby gets a case of the Mondays. The last few weeks, on Monday, she has done really well before her lunch time-ish nap and then fusses a loooot the rest of the day. I don't know what she hates about Mondays so much. Maybe she is upset because she is used to seeing her daddy all weekend and then he's gone? She did walk up to the door today and say, "dadadada" while touching the door.
I'm starting to worry that Bates is guilty.
You know, God is so good. I was not sure, a few semesters back, how I was going to pay for textbooks. I literally emptied my school account to pay the tuition and we did not have room in our regular budget for them. Then, God provided. Someone offered to pay for my textbooks for the upcoming semesters. I was so overwhelmed in a good way. Then, this semester I was short on my tuition and was going to take it out of our budget, then I got some random babysitting job. I did not ask for it to begin with, and I did not ask for a certain amount, it was just to help a friend and they wanted to pay me a little. Over the course of the several days I babysat, it totaled to the exact amount I needed to pay for the rest of the semester. Now, I don't want to give the impression that we have money problems, we are fine. We have savings and monthly income, we are just trying to pay off our debt quickly so I have been trying to only use extra money (money I have made from odd jobs, babysitting, cakes, etc) for school related expenses. God has just been so good to provide exactly what I need each semester. He is good. All the time.
Some days, this is just how you feel as a mom (or insert appropriate noun for your situation). You realize at end of day that you have not eaten well, you have not done your run (praise the Lord for being ahead of schedule and having some free time tomorrow to stay on track), and you have not changed out of the shirt you slept in (despite having left the house twice).
Some days, baby girl just gets a case of the "no sleeps". No matter how tired, dry, and full she is, she does not want to sleep. She cries and cries and you think to yourself, "I thought we were done sleep training!" You finally get her down for a nap, you sit down to watch a movie with your husband because you are so beat you cannot possibly be productive, and just as the movie starts, she starts to cry again. Are we in some kind of movie that is comedic to the rest of the world, but awful to us in the moment? Am I being mom punk'd? Nope. It's 10pm, she is finally quiet for the night, and I still have work left to do on my Sunday school lesson (praise the Lord again that I started this one last week - He knew).
Yesterday was such a good day, with good naps, and good eating. Then today... it's like she has this sense of justice or vindication or something where she believes that if she is good one day then it allows her to bad another day. I don't know.
On the other hand I got the best video of her laughing today then I have ever had. She was just all over the map today. Well, scratch that. She was either hysterically laughing, falling asleep on me, or screaming. Yep.
Some days it's good to begin and end the day wrapped up in a blanket.
I've decided that I need to buy a scale so that I can actually figure out if the working out thing is working. Not that pounds are the only indication of these things, but I am trying to lose exactly 5 lbs. That may sound stupid to you, but when you only gain weight in exactly one place, exactly 5 lbs can make a difference. Am I dieting? No. I am eating healthier food (and tracking the food to make sure I am getting the right amount of protein, fat, carbs, and calories) and training for a half marathon. This it he plan.
I've decided that I want to redo my entire style to look adult, but fun and cute. I want to wear more scarves, and get a new pair of skinny jeans (or at least fix the button on mine). I need to say goodbye to all the event t-shirts. Okay maybe not all of them, but I need less of them and more of the normal clothes. I have pictures of what I think my style should be (finally), now all I need is... money. Next step.
I've decided that I need to invest in business cards for Claire's Confections. I also need to figure out how to get more business.
I am in love with the show Parenthood. I admit it. I know that it's not perfect and that it is not always the best show ever, but I love it. I love that all the families are different and complicated. I love that no matter what, they are still a family. I love that they just completed their first adoption in the Graham part of the family and it was beautiful and it was hard. It was completed faster than a normal adoption would seem or feel, but it was beautiful. They went through a period when they weren't sure if they loved each other, it's hard. But in the end they persevered. There have been get togethers, break-ups, Aspergers, fertility issues and pregnancies. There was even a period of breast cancer which was hard.
I say all of this to tell you that sometimes I guiltily wish that my family was more like parenthood. I wish that we could all live conveniently in the same town (although sometimes I wonder where Joel's family lives), have this beautiful messy and loving life. I wish that at the end of the week everyone would apologize or something magical would happen to bring us together. I wish that we could make decisions in a couple of weeks time and complete an adoption in one semester.
I sometimes have to stop and think to myself about whether this is reality or not. Whether this is even worth wishing for because I wonder if it's possible. I wonder if a large family can truly all love each other unconditionally. If they can all truly admit their wrongs, and ask forgiveness to make the plot line continue in unity. I'm not sure. My family is spread all over the US and soon to be all over the globe in some ways. I can't drive over to my best-friend's house even though she is my sister. We can't just share our woes over coffee. Soon, I will have to save up for a long time just to visit. None of my family lives under an hour from us, quite the contrary. Our closest family ranges from 4 hours away to 9 hours away to over 13 hours away and come September a plane ride (since we can't drive across the ocean).
So hear I am, jealous of a TV family who isn't real. I'm not jealous of some of their problems or some of their bad choices that I have never faced. But sometimes I just wish we could live a little closer.
I hate the Reliant commercial that's on right now. Not for any good reason, but because it has doughnuts in the commercial. I am trying to be healthy and that's just such a terrible commercial for me to watch. I love doughnuts.
RB is a non-stop walker. She needs assistance, but she basically does not want to do anything but walk these days. She has also discovered how much she hates the word "no".
I am memorizing in James right now and it is difficult when your hands are occupied to find time. Then when do you find time to sit, you don't want to work - you know? Discipline.
This week finished out 8 miles in the running circuit. Goodness gracious it was hard. Not on my strength for sure.
There is a wasp in my house somewhere, but I left to get something and came back and it was gone. Cal and I have searched to no avail. How will I sleep??
Well this is usually longer, but the babe is pulling on my leg. Enjoy!
Eating: Every three to four hours during the day nursing and 3 meals a day with solids
Sleeping: Mainly 2 naps, and sometimes one rest where she won't sleep, but she needs to unplug for a little bit
Diaper: Size 2/3 diapers (we are about to switch to 3)
Clothing: 6 months and 6-9 month clothes
What's new for month ten:
God has really answered a prayer in our hearts and she has gained almost 2lbs in the last month (where she had only gained 5oz over the 3 months previous).
She bounces like crazy when she is sitting, it is totally cute
She is crawling and walking with assistance. She has this push toy that helps her walk, but truthfully mommy's fingers are the best assistance to her right now.
She can say "mama" and "dada". I think she even knows what they mean most of the time. Sometimes she babbles them, but when we are around she seems to know who she is calling for when she says them.
She is so close to waving. If I waive first, she will put her hand out and wave her arm around. She can't wave with her hand only or even really on command, but she is at least trying to figure it out.
She loves going out on walks and sitting outside on a blanket.
She eats, eats, and eats.
She plays a lot, but her box of awesome is her favorite. She prefers walking to playing though. She is just loving exploring the whole house.
She loves to really examine everything.
She love to read so much. She will read the same book over and over and/or read 4-5 books in a row without getting bored.
Monday Musings! They're back! It's official, we are no longer on vacation. I wish, but that's okay. I have started meal planning again and have a huge grocery run to do on Wednesday. The husb got an ipad mini from his work and while I still believe it's just a glorified toy, we have found a great budget app. I mean I had heard of the online service before, Mint, but it really is a great app. It has been helping me get our new year budget ready. This makes me feel really hopeful. We were able to have some honest conversations on New Year's Eve about how I am feeling overwhelmed, so this is one way that he is helping. The husb is great.
Baby girl is growing up really fast. I can barely handle it. Some days I feel like I can't wait until she is more independent, eats on her own, can talk to me, etc. Then sometimes I just look at her and think "too fast, toooooo fast". I am going out of town this weekend for one night.... without her. She will be with her daddy for about 24 hours. My first night away! I might cry. I mean I doubt that I will cry, but I will probably be sad. Okay I will definitely be sad. I will also be conflicted.
Russia is still closed to adoption in the US. Closed. It's like this awful blinking sign in the back of my mind. Closed. Like an amazing coffee shop that everyone has told you to visit that is closed for construction. I say closed for construction rather than shut down because I am still hoping that Russia will open back up. In the mean time, we have been spending time in prayer about where we might adopt from if Russia continues to be closed. Maybe India. Maybe domestic. I have no idea. It feels sort of like I felt when I moved to Mississippi (stick with me). When I moved to Mississippi, it was the first time I felt like I did not know exactly what I was doing or where I was going. I didn't have friends yet and I didn't know where I fit. It didn't stay like that, but it was disorienting at the beginning. God showed me that He had a plan for it. I have to assume God has a plan for this too, but for now I feel like I don't know where to go with this information.
So there are some things that are just better on paper or in hindsight, but are really awful in the moment.
Here is a picture of my running shoes. Now the soles and laces look super pink in this picture, but trust me that it does not do them justice. They are actually an electric corral. Not quite pink or orange, but very bright. Anyway. The husb got me these super cute shoes when I decided I would.... train for a half-marathon. We decided the only way to guarantee that I would really do it was to go ahead, take the plunge, and sign up for a specific half-marathon. So on February 24th come rain or snow, I will be in Ft. Worth running the Cowtown. I am only completely scared to death. We also have a deal that, upon my completion of the half, I get a quarter-zip running top (this assumes that I ran the entirety of the race). This excites me.
So, if you know me you may know that I have trained for a half-marathon before. Why did I stop, you ask? I blame Cal. He started running with me and can we just say that we are less than ideal running partners. His six foot tall self against my five foot one inch is too much of a contrast. I have to take two steps for his one, so for him to get a decent workout I basically have to spring. It's awful. Slowly but surely, I got burned out. We have decided that we will not be doing any training together that is further than 2 miles for the future just to protect my self-esteem and my determination.
I often times get done with a run and want to go to Facebook to tell the world how many miles I was able to survive. On the one hand, I don't want to boast so I don't post it. On the other hand, I don't think it accurately portrays what it's like. So, I wanted to give you an idea of what running is like for me.
Yesterday I had the distinct horror privilege of running 7 miles. I love running when it is cold, no joke. But yesterday it was incredibly humid and in the mid-70s. Gross! Then when I got half-way through, it started raining. Hot, nasty rain. The route I took was 3.5 miles one way and then come back. On the way there, I prayed some, thought about the beauty of the neighborhood, sorted out some thoughts, and more. On the way back, included lots of "you can do this, you can do this", and then "you CANNOT stop now, you CANNOT fail", and then "when will this be over" interspersed with lots of prayer.
So running is hard, running is tough, but I will not be defeated because God is faithful. It's all God, y'all. Seriously.
So, recently a friend of mine was talking about how she was looking for her Mr. Darcy and I jokingly commented how I already married him. While that was mostly a joke, I have commented to the husb on several occasions that we are Elizabeth Bennet and Mr. Darcy. So here is my somewhat facetious account of Why/How we are related to this novel.
First, I want you to think about Elizabeth Bennet. She is intelligent, lively, attractive, witty, and judgmental. She is best-friends with her sister, and another quirky girl. She is in no rush to be married and is not concerned with wealth. I would love to say that this describes me. While I am not quite as witty/intelligent/awesome as her, I can definitely relate with being occasionally judgmental, enjoying sarcasm, and having a sharp tongue (not always proud of that though). I am super tight with my sister and all the girls I am close to are quirky. I got married, but was in no major rush and the husb will tell you that I have no direct desire to be rich (we joke occasionally about "when we're rich and famous" we'll do something ridiculous). I almost missed out on Cal because of some of these bad qualities of mine just as she did with Darcy. Thankful that the Lord had better plans.
Mr. Darcy. Wow the man of most girls' dreams. He is handsome, tall, intelligent, slightly aloof, not great with people, and can be a little prideful. Yet once you get to know him better, he has a sweet side. He would move heaven and earth for the woman he loved. Wow, I just feel like this is Cal in all the right ways. The husband is definitely handsome, tall, intelligent, and let's face it... slightly aloof. He is not a big people person or a large group person. He really thrives in small groups with people he knows really well. While you may get the wrong impression of him up front, he is an amazingly sweet man.
So here is where we start. At least we have the foundation for the unlikely couple. My family is not as crazy in some ways as the Bennet family, but who doesn't have quirks to their family? No one. So I think it is safe to say that my family has quirks too. I am a daddy's girl just like Lizzy (did I mention that my middle name was Elizabeth??) and would have followed his dating advice over a cliff. My sister is a total Jane in some ways - Jane is super kind and proper, but (as we see at the end) has a streak of honesty that is admirable. In some ways Bingley and my sister's husband sort of remind me of each other which is a complement because he is truly one of my favorite characters. I think he's neat (inside joke).
So, much like Bennet and Darcy, Cal and I had an odd first encounter. It was not love at first side, it was not even like at first sight. In fact, he drove me crazy. He threw my shoe across the room. I did not think he was interested in me at all and we had a sort of teasing/sarcastic relationship. I had some friends/roommates that were not convinced for a while.
Remember that moment in the movie where Darcy runs through the rain to find Elizabeth in the rain and tells her that he loves her. He proposes right there, in the rain. Oh my goodness it makes my heart melt. Well this reminds me of a time with Cal. He did not up and propose to me because that would have been intense for our current era, but it was the appropriate version. He had a moment of bravery and he called me up (at the time I had been told that he was a player/flirt so I was slightly hostile) to ask me to ring dance. Have you read the book or seen the movie? Do you know what Lizzy said to Darcy? ....so you know roughly what I said to Cal. It was not the nicest thing I have ever said and it ended in rejection. Don't get me wrong, I thought he was really cute, but I was not about to be tripped up by someone who was going to flirt with me and then drop me to the curb. I was scared and was trying to vindicate all of those women he supposedly led on.
So Darcy begins a journey to show Elizabeth that he is indeed a good man. He rights many wrongs in her life all for her and she begins to see her error. This is exactly what happened with Cal and I. He met my parents, showed up at my concerts, asked me to dinner, tried to drive me around places, and more. My dad even began to attempt to get me to give him a chance haha. And the story goes how the story goes. Elizabeth and Darcy get together, realizing that their pride and prejudice got in the way. They also see how alike and different they are in the good and bad. The husb and I have had a similar experience although we dated before we got married. So here we are now with our little girl, celebrating 3 years of marriage (and a month). I'm convinced that were Austen to write a sequel to Pride and Prejudice, God forbid, they would have some beautiful children as well.
So, I am sorry women of the world. You will have to find your own Darcy or maybe since I have taken this one, you'll have to find an Edward Ferrars or someone like that (look it up if you don't get it).
So I am re-reading the Hunger Games. I am on the second book and am loving it... again.
Perfect snack: Crackers, Cheese slices, Pepperoni
I want to cut all of my hair off. Okay I just want to cut it a good deal shorter and get some bangs.
I think if I had a big data plan I would probably blog more because blogging on the go would be easy.
I am so excited for something this year - the husb and I have planned a date for every month of the year!
I am trying soooo hard to be healthier, but all I want is CHOCOLATE. Seriously.
I wish I knew a way to make RB grow taller and gain some weight, or at least weight proportional to her knew height. I have considered adding formula to her diet, but even though that would add calories, I really don't think calories are the problem.
The husb and I have tuna every Monday night. I like it although tonight I am really craving a bean burrito.
So, I have taken a couple of weeks off of Monday Musings and I am so sorry that I have not filled you in until now. It has been a crazy week (and change) traveling around to Fort Worth and Mississippi. We had a great time and RB got to see a ton of wonderful family who love her. Pictures to come later. She is crawling like a champ, walking along furniture, and pulling up all the time. She loves to be on the move!
So this year I decided to do some New Year's Resolutions - it has been awhile since I have attempted that.
1. Finish my run schedule so that I can run the entirety of the half marathon without stopping
2. Care less of what others think about me - this is not to say that I'm going to be mean and neglectful of people, but I am going to stop basing my sense of self-worth on others.
3. Fall more and more in love with the Lord. Get a case of the "can't help its" when it comes to telling others about His Gospel.