Sunday, February 9, 2014

Spontaneous

The Spontaneous Idealist





So, because I do not often know what to do with my free time nor do I know how long said free time will last, I find myself taking quizzes on Facebook frequently. I mean frequently. I am Katniss, Robin (HIMYM), Elizabeth Bennett, Hermione Granger, etc. I know my IQ, and now I have taken a personality quiz. I took it twice too because I did not believe the results. I made my husband help me take it (which he hated, ha!) because I wanted to make sure I was not lying to myself. It was so weird.  I received "The Spontaneous Idealist" - it had a lot of things that are 'spot on' about me, but I have never ever characterized myself as spontaneous. We used to joke that I was spontaneous on Saturdays from 3-5pm. Get it? I have always been highly scheduled, routine oriented, and any other similar ideas. The husb has made it clear that this was not honestly what I wanted just more what I needed. I was committed to school, I am committed to my children, and this requires a schedule. But he began pointing out to me all the times I wish I was spontaneous or try to be spontaneous. It was just interesting to see myself through his eyes. But I kept insisting that this test was not perfect and he asked me a good question...

Is the test flawed or are you changing?

I'm changing. Well of course no online personality test I found on facebook will be perfect, that is a given. But also, I'm changing. I am valuing alone time more (although still not an introvert), acts of service mean a great deal to me, travel looks different, dates look different, sometimes spontaneous is all there is. I am even changing my style, learning how to look like a grown up to some degree. Having two kids is so much harder than I ever thought. Finding time with my husband. Finding time for me. Getting time with God much less getting time to shower. Or the other way around. I'm changing. I am no longer that same person I was in college. I am no longer the same person I was even two months ago before my son was born. I can't be. But at the same time, I am not changing so much as realizing who I am. Who God has meant for me to be. I am becoming more comfortable with this, with me. I have heard that until you have your third kid, you still hold on to this notion of being able to do it on your own, have some control, and try to make your home "perfect". Well I started out at not caring much about looking like I had it all together or keeping my house perfect so it only took having the second to break me I guess. But even though many days I am losing it, I am also gaining. I have fought change in myself over and over, but now I am grasping it and even thanking God for it (most of the time). Let the change continue.

2 comments:

  1. thank you for making me cry... in chick fil a! I love you sister in all your simplicity and complexity.

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